Hello! I guess I should start off with an introduction. I go by Purrr, Short for PurrEvil, The full name is one I plan on perhaps abandoning soon but for now it will stick. Quite frankly I dont know what else to call myself. I used to be a full time commission artist. I drew NSFW furry art full time for about 3 years. And while I made a few wonderful friends along the way, I also have greatly changed my persective on art and the "market" that is commission work. For me, its soul crushing. Constently trying to juge the worth of my work, to put a price tag on it, makes me feel sick. I'm trying to move away from that now. I dont want to stop doing commissions, I just want to have more freedom with it. So for the past few weeks I've been job hunting. I have an interview on Tuesday, wish me luck!

WHy does it make me feel sick?

I want to elaborate on my feelings. I also want to clarify that said feelings are very mixed up and I'm not the most elequint person out there.

I love art, and I love self expression but its very frustrating to see what modern social media is warping art into. It’s marketing. If you look at Instagram for example there are SO MANY people drawing whats "popular" Pushing themselves to burn out or injury in the hopes that they too can became as successful as their favorite creator. But is that even success? Or just financial incentive? Are these artists expressing themselves or just drawing what gets “clicks”. Do I really want to shill out like that? What fulfillment do I get from sales and social media?

More and more mainstream art resources are starting to feel hollow to me. They just want you to buy their courses, or give the illusion of growth. I remember the excitement of finding the "artist lounge" on Reddit. to think, I could finally find a place where artists could actually talk about the art they make. We could all just chat about technique, resources and methods. I spent so long writing out huge posts trying to be as helpful as I could. But that’s not what others there where doing. To my dismay, It was not what I had hoped it to be. It felt like every post was about gaining the system, clawing your way to the top of the algorithm, overworking yourself for the hope of later success. Maybe that will work for some of you, maybe it has? But not me. I feel dead inside. My arts become a product with no soul. I’d go as far as to say I hate my corporate work. It makes me feel dirty and used.

I look at art much differently now. The compromises some artists take both morally and artistically are becoming more and more apparent to me, and I don’t want to be that. I see wide eyed young artists, and I don’t want them to go through that either. I miss loving art, I miss being proud of my work. I don’t want to feel like I have to rush through a piece so I at least make half as much as a mcdonold’s worker. I don’t enjoy telling people that to make them what they want, it’ll cost a significant amount of money. Or that I’ll be taking shortcuts because I’m desperate. I don’t want to beg for money. Honestly I feel I would be quite happy giving up my time to a low wage job and moving art into a hobby. I want my freedom back.

There’s a disconnect here too, clients see these large numbers but don’t realize I’ve been slowly falling into debt for years now. Maybe I’m just a shitty artist. Maybe I’m just not good enough? Maybe this is a scam and no matter how hard I work I’ll never BE good enough? I don’t know. And honestly I don’t care anymore.

I’m starting to feel like for most of us, those who are not privileged enough to come from wealthy successful backgrounds, or who have others to financially hold them up, that is is an impossible dream to try and achieve. Especially with the invention of AI art.

I’m not giving up, I’m just moving on. I want to make art I can be proud of. I want to take my time, no shortcuts. NO algorithms. Just art I want to make. Either to make a statement or to calm my mind.

What is our goal as artists? That’s what I’m searching for. For me I think its communication. I want to share a story, how I feel about something. I want to make other people feel something.

So maybe I can make this place an adequate replacement with time. This can be my little nook for real creative freedom.